Tonight HBO Family is playing Sister Act 2 at 7pm and Far From Home: The Adventures of Yellow Dog at 10pm. Perhaps someone who works at HBO is secretly in love with me.

I've loved the second Sister Act movie since the first time Flip rented it. He got bored halfway through and tried to take off my clothes, but for once I was the one saying no to sex. I watched it twice that night and now I own it on VHS and DVD. Whatever happened to that beautiful Lauren Hill? Her acting talent was wasted in those Fugees videos.

I love how insane Rita's mom is about not letting her daughter sing for a living. The woman didn't have to raise a hand to be scary as hell.

As an added bonus, Jennifer Love Hewitt plays a ditzy, hair-and-makeup-obsessed Catholic schoolgirl. Between this movie and Heartbreakers she has earned my eternal affection.

Sister Mary Roberts is the only unappealing character. I just want to shake her and yell "you are a grown woman, stand up straight and quit with the stammering!"

I always sniffle at the part when the headmaster, Father Maurice, comes to withdraw the chorus from the competition after discovering that chorus-leader Whoopi is a Vegas showgirl, but the students' overwhelmingly affectionate response to what they think is his support of their efforts changes his mind. Awwww!

Far From Home has some really sad parts, which would normally disqualify it from a list of my favorite movies, but it never quite veers into sappy territory, and Jesse Bradford's absolute refusal to give up before the happy ending makes me love him.

I cry like a baby when I watch A Goofy Movie every couple of months. I have daddy issues.

Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back is my favorite Kevin Smith movie, and the one I've watched the most, but I've also memorized most of the dialogue in Mallrats. Don't expect me to quote it for you, though. I don't quote. I have to admit that half the reason I like Smith's movies is because he casts a lot of very attractive men, especially Jason Mewes.

I liked Bad Boys, Matrix, Romeo + Juliet, and especially Mission: Impossible 2 because they are pretty.

I own Chasers, Bound, and Out of Sight purely for wanking purposes. Especially Chasers, because Erika Eleniak has one of the hottest bodies ever gratuitously undressed and licked by a costar.

South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut has to be the best movie ever made, though, when I really think about it. Musical numbers, hysterically unexpected punchlines, and a message about censorship and personal responsibility. What's not to love.

And have you seen Malibu's Most Wanted yet? You really should. It's funny.