I have no room to make fun of people who love their disgusting pukey babies, because I overlook a lot of gross things when it comes to my pets. You know you love animals if you're willing to scoop litter boxes every day and pick up dog patties in the yard every weekend. It's not fun, but it has to be done.

When I got my dogs I expected to spend the rest of their life vacuuming shed hair and bleaching every horizontal surface. But there were things I didn't expect to deal with. Like having my dinner guests treated to an incestuous doggy sex show.

Every now and again Sweet will bully Baby into giving him a blow job. It's absurd to watch as my smaller dog growls and bites at his bigger brother until Baby gets in the position. Then there's a show. And Sweet's got a strain of exhibitionism, too, because he only does it when I have people over.

On the one hand, I don't think oral sex in and of itself is bad or wrong, and if that was all that went on I would let it go. The aspect that disturbs me is that Baby usually has to be coerced into performing these favors, and there isn't any reciprocation. So I put a stop to it when I notice Sweet starting to hassle his brother into a crouch.

More often than not, though, I don't get the chance to nip it in the bud. I'll be in the kitchen getting food or drinks for my guests when I hear "Oh my god, what the fuck is wrong with your dogs?!" and there's nothing to do but wait until it's over.

It's pretty funny, really, if a bit of an appetite killer.