Thursday, Jan. 04, 2007

Joker

9:22 p.m.

PROFILE BIO E-MAIL DESIGN DIARYLAND

The other day I went grocery shopping, and the bag boy insisted on walking my groceries outside for me. I didn't argue too hard because it takes a while to wrestle Jane into her car seat and it would be nice to have the groceries loaded while I'm doing that. Of course, it didn't seem like such a good idea when the bag boy pushes my cart at the speed of molasses so that he can hit on me. Yeesh. I mean, he was cute and all, but I don't think he could legally buy beer, and what is up with hitting on a woman right in front of her kid? Even if the kid doesn't speak much English yet, that's just not cool.

Then my car won't start. The battery has been threatening to die for a couple of months and it finally gave up the ghost yesterday. At the grocery store. In the rain. Bag Boy offered to give me a jump, but I was not interested in extending our contact or deepening our involvement. In fact, I'm going to start shopping at Super Wal-Mart because I now have suitors at each of the Publix locations near my apartment. It's not that I'm looking all hot or anything. I try not to look too dumpy but my mom uniform is a loose t-shirt, capris, and flip-flops. I think it's because I smile too much. I like to make eye-contact and say hi to people whenever I'm out in public, and sometimes they take it the wrong way.

Anyway. I called Casey and had him leave work a little bit early. Luckily, his office is only a few minutes away. Unluckily, he arrived just as the rain started to get really, really heavy. Luckily, the parking space right in front of my car was empty and it was easy to hook up the jumper cables between our batteries. Unluckily, my battery was too dead to respond, so we had to transfer the groceries and the baby to Casey's car and leave mine behind. We're going to pick up a new battery when he gets home tonight, since the weather is much nicer now.

Oh, god, let me rant for a minute about how difficult it is to get Jane into her frickin car seat! She is so strong, and while I'm handicapped by my unwillingness to hurt her, she has no such compunction! I think it's time for a new car seat. I already have one for the next level of growth, and Jane reached that level about three pounds ago, so I guess now is the time. How can she be growing so fast? I'm not ready for the next level! She's going to be an amazon, I swear. Mommy's Next Top Model. As if I would let her within a hundred feet of Tyra.

We get home safe and sound, the groceries are put away and we strip out of our wet clothes.

Casey had been in the shower for about five minutes when I noticed that my hands were really cold. The devil inside me decided to sneak into the bathroom and try to touch his butt when he wasn't looking. Too bad he was turned the other way...

I peeked around the shower curtain and he had his eyes closed, rinsing his hair. I was on the wrong side for touching his butt, but I love to improvise! Very quietly I reached out and gently cupped his balls in my icy palm. Yowza! His eyes and mouth opened in a perfect, startled expression and he hunched his whole upper body forward in shock, grabbing himself. It wasn't until I gave myself away by laughing that he realized I was the author of his torment! Oh, shit, it was so funny! Almost 24 hours later I'm still cracking up.

Poor dude. He rescues me from a dead car in the middle of the pouring rain and this is how I repay him?

LAST ... ARCHIVE ... NEXT


Get E-mail When I Update
Notifies Sometimes Include Photos