I could write an entry all about the sixty-nine things that are bugging me the most right now, but then I would feel stupid, because at least 69% of them are my own fault and completely within my power to change, if only I weren't so lazy and non-confrontational.

Oh, well. I'll write it any way. Maybe it will make me feel better. Or spur me to action. I've tried to write a bunch of other different entries and nothing else interests me.

69. I wake up late every morning. My new alarm clock sucks. This is the second alarm clock I've bought since the old one suddenly died, and they have both sucked a lot. So I show up to work with wet hair and no makeup. Luckily, I keep a blowdryer and a bag of cosmetics in the bathroom cabinet at work and I can usually find time to get pretty before lunch.

68. I got bangs in late July, on a whim. They look pretty stupid, mostly because I don't know what to do with them, style-wise. I bought some headbands and I�m wearing them every day until the bangs grow out. On the upside, I look really good in headbands.

67. My usually sweet coworker is going through the constant-PMS stage of menopause.

66. The Atkins diet is hard and the smell of meat now makes me nauseous. But I must admit that it is certainly an effective quick weight-loss method.

65. My dog keeps peeing on everything, even though two separate vets say there is nothing wrong with him. Sometimes I will take him outside for a while, and as soon as we come in he will lift his leg and go on the wall, so you know he�s just doing it out of spite. Yesterday he peed on the toilet. Maybe he wishes he were human. I wish I could afford a dog psychologist.

64. I never want to go to the gym, because I hate people. But I really want to go to the gym, so that people will like me and my firm ass. I�m always too tired to go to the gym, but I know that if I went it would boost my energy. I know I should go. But I won�t.

63. I would call and talk to my friends if I could think of anything to say.

62. My adorable new six-inch, open-toe sandals are incredibly uncomfortable. The way my feet look in them makes me want to dance, which is not possible while wearing them.

61. Sometimes I have to do stuff that prevents me from finishing my entries for a while.

60. My job is usually easy and fun, but right now it is kicking my ass.

59. The yard is not very good-looking. My trees need to be cut way the hell back, and there is an empty moat where my garden used to be. It's not terribly grown-up looking.

58. All my houseplants are dead. Because I didn't water them.

57. Snoop Dogg isn't cool any more. He's just silly looking and his music annoys me.

56. No matter how much sun I get, I will never have a tan, just a bunch of freckles.

55. This smug asshole cop pulled me over the other day because one of my brake lights was out. He didn't give me a ticket, but I didn't appreciate his attitude. Big D replaced the bulb, but we are both so completely devoid of mechanical know-how that we couldn't get the light cover back on correctly and the next hard rain is probably going to fuck things up in there.

54. I hate my lack of mechanical know-how. Wandering around without the ability to fix basic things is so retarded.

53. Every pair of pantyhose I've worn this month has gotten torn before the end of the workday.

52. National Pirate Day completely fails to amuse me.

51. I hate being navigationally challenged. There should be large north-pointing arrow on every corner to help me stay oriented.

50. If I could think of some type of cool swag item to take to Journalcon, I wouldn't have a logo to put on it. Logos aren't one of my talents.

49. Sex is supposed to be one of my talents, but I'm not in the mood for it. Still. This may be why I've run out of conversational topics, too.

48. The cover on the futon needs to be replaced, because Simone thinks it's fun to drag himself across the bottom by his claws. At least that's an inexpensive and easy repair.

47. Dentists used to marvel over the perfect straightness of my teeth. Now they gape at the number of cavities all along my gumline that necessitate root canals and crowns. My dental insurance only covers $1,000 a year, so it's going to take a while to fix it all.

46. I cringe at all the girls who have the same first name as me. Why are they always so stupid? I guess they're not ALL stupid, just the one I saw on TV today.

45. It hurts to take out my contacts.

44. The money situation is not great.

43. I want Rachel and Joey to stay together, but I'm afraid they won't let that happen. I also want Ross to die this season, and that's even less likely.

42. I am a little more obstinate than I need to be. Sometimes being this stubborn is not good.

41. Infants are gross. I like them, except when they puke on or near me. Or cry.

40. I went to all the trouble to learn self defense and no one ever attacks me.

39. My car makes a high-pitched squealing noise every morning when I first turn it on.

38. I don't have any really expensive jewelry.

37. So damn tired all the time. It's probably mild depression, but I'm too tired to do anything about it.

36. I'm afraid that all my friends will figure out that they are smarter than me.

35. My career is going nowhere without a degree, and I hate the thought of going back to school.

34. Carrot Top doesn't even know I exist, so how can he love me back?

33. I have too many feelings that are out of my control. I would prefer to stick to the basic 3: joy, anger, and apathy. Obviously, everyone wants some joy. Anger can be entertaining. And I'd rather feel apathy over sadness or heartbreak.

32. I hate imposing my grief on other people, but if I don't I feel guilty, as if he didn't matter enough to tell people about.

31. This woman I know called me the other day and launched into a story about a family member she lost ten years ago and finished by saying "I know you don't think anyone else feels the way you do, but I wanted to let you know that some of us understand what you are going through." When did I ever say that no one can understand my pain? Only a retard would say that. There are at least a hundred people who feel the exact same way I do about the exact same person, not to mention the millions who have lost loved ones before and since. Don't make assumptions about how self-centered I am.

30. I guess I can put that on the list, too: My brother accidentally killed himself. That bugs me.

29. My dogs are not interested in playing catch, nor do they care to wrestle. I don't know what kind of games I could possibly come up with that they could care about. All they want is to have their back scratched while they chew on a rawhide bone. And if I could do it while driving them in the car it would be their best day ever.

28. Envious people suck. Don't hate me because I'm beautiful.

27. Jealous people suck, too. I hate guys who want to keep me all to themselves and never let me see my friends and get all up in my business while I'm talking on the phone.

26. Justin Timberlake's solo album pretty much sucks.

25. It's stupid to let a kitten hurt my feelings, but I can't but be sad when Silver still acts like I'm going to devour her, body and soul and flees from the room as soon as I enter.

24. The new girl at my favorite salon is really brutal, and I'm going to have to refuse to be served by her the next time I get my eyebrows waxed. I hope she doesn't get all offended. "you suck, but don't take it personally."

23. I have no idea how to play the piano my mom gave me. I know, I'm such a poor baby. I got a free piano and I find some way to bitch about it.

22. I don't know what I want to do with my life.

21. My house isn't going to paint itself.

20. The plumbing still needs to be replaced.

19. So does the carpet.

18. So does the fridge, for that matter.

17. My brother Matthew hasn't returned my calls all summer. I sent him a birthday card and a lot of copies of family pictures I know he wanted, and I haven't heard a word from him. I know he's busy going to medical school and working at the hospital, but come on.

16. I forgot to send my brother Shawn a birthday card. I suck.

15. I've started liking country music. Not all of it, but some songs. This disturbs me greatly.

14. I don't understand why people hate Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck. It makes no sense. We don't really know anything about them as people or what they are like in private. If you are disturbed by the amount of attention they get, why do you perpetuate it by talking about them? It's very silly.

13. I don't attend enough parties.

12. I don't know anyone who can get me stoned.

11. Britney hasn't posed for Playboy yet. I'm tired of waiting.

10. I'm afraid of heights. It's very annoying.

9. Journalcon makes me a little nervous. What if I don't have as much fun as I plan to have? What if no one wants to make out with me in front of the live webcam? Alright, that latter fear is very unlikely, but everyone has their irrational insecurities.

8. I'm not proactive enough about planning visits to my friends and family out of state.

7. Sometimes I think about getting back together with Big D just because he got a job making a lot more money. It annoys me that I'm not mercenary enough to do that.

6. I could use some privacy.

5. He keeps acting like we are back together and giving his friends the impression that we are back together, and I don't make a big fuss so as not to embarass him, but it's getting old.

4. I'm tired of waiting for his fabulous new job to start.

3. It annoys me when people ask me the same question over and over and never pay attention to the answer.

2. I don't have any comfortable bras.

1. I gave my sisters and mother the address to this journal, because one of the things I regret most about my brother's death was that I didn't know him very well and I don't want to make that mistake with the rest of my family, but they haven't said anything about it. They probably think I'm boring. Because I am.