Wanda: How did therapy go?

Anna Rain: It went pretty well. I definitely feel comfortable with her. Right off the bat, she wants me to leave Casey. But I don't know if I want to. I have a lot of thinking to do.

W: Wow, that’s pretty bold for a first appointment.

AR: I know, right? I think it's the whole "does not love me" thing that screams out to her. Plus, I find it difficult to articulate his good points and why I stay with him.

W: That is a bit of a red flag.

AR: Sure. Plus there is my desire to move to Atlanta to be near my brothers and take care of my stepmother, which is a nice plan, but I don't know if I can realistically execute it without Casey.

She says that I am Ruled by Fear. Which is totally true. But isn't life kind of scary?

The way I look at it, the future can go two ways. I can stay with Casey and be mostly content, financially secure and have a parenting partner for my two children. Or I can leave Casey and be poor forever and my children will be partially neglected and won't go to college. Also, I kinda feel like my parents' divorce directly caused my brother's suicide. I don't want either of my children to commit suicide because they didn't get enough parenting.

W: Obviously those are decisions you need to think hard about. Will you be happier in a lukewarm relationship giving your children a better life or would you be happier doing it on your own? Also, will their life be better if their parents don’t really love each other?

AR: But it's more than a lukewarm relationship. We care about eachother very much. We are very affectionate and once a week we are rather passionate. Although we don't say "I love you" I think that the way we treat eachother is quite loving. When we argue I think we do so in a very mature way, and we try to communicate, even though we aren't very good at it. We're getting better every year.

And I kind of feel like he is the perfect man for my fickle heart. I love the pursuit. I love it. It keeps things so interesting. I would probably get bored pretty soon if he declared his love.

The thing that I do not love is the lack of solid commitment (i.e. marriage) and his refusal to merge our finances and let me handle his mess. I think that if he absolutely refuses to marry me very soon, that is going to be what tips the scales towards me leaving. I just can't live with that kind of uncertainty hanging over my head. I need to know that he will always be there for me and the kids, or else I need to move on.

W: Print that email below and bring it to your therapist. You articulated to me just fine why you stay with him. You have very valid pros and cons and I see why it is so difficult for you to make a decision one way or another.

As for the bottom line of marriage, eventually you’re going to have to make that call if it is what you truly want. Have you talked about what holds him back from that step?

AR: ...