I don't write much anymore, and I don't think I'll be writing any time soon. My daughter will celebrate her first birthday this weekend, and it's a year in which all my energy has gone into keeping her healthy, happy, and safe through constant growth and change. This year I want to put some energy into recreating myself as a decent human being with something to offer as a role model.

I'm torn between two very different visions of the future. Part of me thinks that I should start going to church so that I can meet a nice, family-oriented young man, marry him, have four or five more children and create a big, happy family. That sounds really sweet to me and I think it's not so far out of reach.

The more realistic me wants to finish school and pour all my energy into raising this one kid, giving her the best of everything.